By Jon Noto
When groups value authenticity, it’s only a matter of time before we face a highly emotional moment.
Would you opt into being a Bible study leader if you had absolutely no knowledge of the Bible? Your answer is likely “no.” It’s certain that any discussion would require some familiarity with the Bible, and you’d want to be prepared with at least a baseline level of knowledge.
In the same way, we need to be prepared—at least at a baseline level—to engage with people at a deep heart level if we desire authenticity in our small groups. When our groups hold the value of authenticity, it’s only a matter of time before we’ll encounter high emotions, including passion, pain, or fear.
Moments of high emotion can actually be great turning points for groups. But you’ll need to plan proactively how you might handle these situations. As with most group dynamics questions, the answer involves a combination of three things: your leadership style, the maturity of the group, and the group’s vision for the future (often described in the group agreement). In this article you’ll find six ways to minister to group members in the midst of emotional moments.
By Amy Jackson
One of your key roles as a small-group leader is facilitating discussion at your meetings. For some, this opportunity is exciting and thrilling. For others, the task feels daunting. First of all, know that you will improve with time—this is something any veteran leader will tell you. Second, there are several tips that will help you improve as a facilitator, including types of questions to use and keys to keep the discussion moving.
By Brett Eastman
A practical way to help your group members open up.
The best thing you can do to encourage honesty in your group is to be honest yourself. This doesn’t mean spilling your guts about your darkest secrets. Instead, it means asking for prayer in an area of your life where you’re genuinely struggling, letting go of the myth that leaders need to appear perfect, and being genuine in your responses to questions.
A great activity that allows you to model genuine sharing and encourage group honesty is having each member share five people, circumstances, events, or places that have left lasting impressions on them, making them who they are today. Because some people have trouble talking about themselves so openly, you can use this visual aid: Have group members trace their hands on a piece of paper. Then have them come up with one person, circumstance, or event per finger. After group members write or draw thoughts, words, or pictures, they can explain their drawings to the group.
If some group members think the visual aid is too cute, that’s okay. Different temperaments like different things. The point is to share key influences from their lives, with or without the visual aid.
Ideally, give people 10 minutes to figure out what they want to talk about and draw or write, and then 5 minutes each to share with the group. Understandably, this could take too long. After all, if you have 8 people in your group, that adds up to 50 minutes. Alternatively, you can have group members share just one person or event they wrote down.
Learn to understand people and help them understand themselves.
According to Robert L. Montgomery, author of Listening Made Easy, the ten most common characteristics of a good listener are:
I’m impressed that two of the top three characteristics have to do with the ability to ask questions. A good listener, it seems, is also someone who asks good questions. So over the years I’ve worked on asking good questions-ones that will both keep the discussion on target and help me know more about the person with whom I talk.
Many small-group leaders feel the need to teach their group members by providing a lot of information, principles, and theories instead of leading an actual discussion. In case there is any ambiguity, let me be clear: this is a bad idea. It’s called lecturing, and it should be reserved for professors behind their lecterns (and to some extent pastors behind their pulpits). But that doesn’t mean small-group leaders should have nothing to say. We should. In fact, I believe it’s important that group leaders spend a little bit of time explaining the context of a Bible passage or topic before the group digs into a discussion. I also believe that group leaders need to address context on two levels: textual and personal.
Have you ever led a small-group meeting that got out of control? Your material was received well, group members were engaged, and then one person started dominating the group. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t stop this person from controlling the group. Before you knew it, your small group had been hijacked. Small-group hijackers can do a great deal of harm. Here are four different hijacker personalities and how to deal with them:
Small-group leaders often believe they have to possess the gift of teaching in order to produce a great lesson. This is far from accurate. The reality is that biblical truth is more caught than taught. The group leader’s role is not to be the teacher. Rather, the leader is to be a guide. The leader should facilitate discussion, helping people discover biblical truth for themselves. Click here for full article on smallgroups.com.
Unfortunately, most of us do not listen well. Instead of listening attentively, we wait for that split second of pause to jump in with our own stories and comments, our eyes wander the room, and our ears focus on other sounds. Attentive listening is a discipline that needs to be developed. It doesn’t just happen.
Attentive listening comes as a response to prayer—praying for the Holy Spirit to open the eyes of our hearts while attentively listening to a person verbalize emotions, thoughts, experiences, and doubts. What is the Holy Spirit prompting you to hear? Where do you see God moving in this person’s life? Where are you noticing spiritual growth and discernment that was not evident earlier? This is not the time to compare stories, give advice, or reprimand a person’s actions. Listening is a time to appreciate and discern what is happening in another’s life.
Click Here for full article in SmallGroups.com
Note: If you would like to have a copy of the full resource about the topic of listening from SmallGroups.com, please let us know. It contains articles on the following:
The Heart of Listening An overview on listening well. By Beatrice Rusu
Creating a Safe Environment for Your Small Group Because if it’s not safe, no one will share. By North Point Ministries, Inc.
Having a Mindset of Empowerment Listen for growth opportunities. By Diana Bennett
Show Them How Teach your group members how to listen well by modeling. By Diana Bennett
Lead the WayThree critical listening skills for small-group leaders. By Joel Comiskey
Help Group Members Become Great Listeners Telling them the benefits and showing them how. By Rick Howerton
Small-Group Listening Skills Simple tips for becoming great listeners. By Bill Search
Learning to Listen The importance of paying attention. By Dave Treat