From time to time, many people go through a season where they are in a temporary financial pinch. When this happens to someone in your small group, you as their group leader can play a role in helping them over that hump.
Our Church Care Fund is a ministry designed to meet these needs and we encourage you to fill out the form. (Note: this form is behind a password page. All small group leaders have been made aware of that password. However if you have misplaced or forgotten what it is, email us at [email protected] and we will be glad to provide it to you.) Your site pastor will respond to you directly within 48 hours during the weekdays. (It may be 72 hours over the weekend.)
Simple guidelines are:
Thank you for being on the front lines of this important way that McLane Church is able to bring a blessing to people during their time of need. If you have any questions about this process or its applicability to a specific situation, feel free to get in touch with Tavia or Roger.
“Experiencing life together.” That’s a popular phrase when it comes to descriptions of small-groups ministry. But when you stop to think about it, it’s kind of an ominous phrase, as well. That’s because the experiences of life are often tough to handle.
Simply put, if a small group becomes a place of true community, then the people within that group will need to deal with tragedy. And in order to do so in a way that empathizes, supports, and encourages, group leaders will need to be trained on what to do (and what not to do). These articles can help.
Lotsa Helping Hands makes it very easy for Caregivers to reach out to family and friends — and even strangers for help and support.
Through Lotsa’s website, caregivers create a community which enables family, friends and volunteers to help out in a very organized way – based on their own terms and their particular situation.
The website makes it easy for caregivers to set up their own communities and invite others – typically family and friends to join. Then, when the caregiver needs help or support, the need is posted on the site’s calendar, community members are alerted via email and then members who are available can provide the Caregiver with the support needed.
Here’s a very brief video to help explain what it is.
The following list of organizations is provided as a resource for you in the event that one of your group members needs additional care that you or your group is unable to provide.
Some of these groups have a Christian foundation, but many do not. Don’t discount the value of secular based agencies, but at the same time it will be important for your member-in-crisis to also have a support that is faith based. That may come from you and the small group, from regular worship, or from a local counselor/therapist who is operating from a Christian worldview.
Regarding counselors, understand that there are counselors who work within a distinctly Christian counseling framework. There are also counselors who are Christian, who are working in a practice that is not overtly Christian in perspective. These counselors normally have a sensitivity to the importance of one’s faith from a holistic point of view. Finally, there are counselors who are not Christian and may disregard the importance of faith to their client’s well being. We will not be making recommendations on specific local counseling practices on this page.
What follows is a list of those organizations which serve to help people dealing with specific issues. The links will take you to their websites, and where available, a phone number is also listed. McLane Church is not officially endorsing any of these organizations, but is merely providing contact information as a means of convenience for you or your group members.
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National Suicide Hotline:1-800-784-2433 / 1-800-273-8255
Crisis Services in Erie County
Safe Harbor Crisis Service: 814-456-2014 / 1-800-300-9558
Crawford County Mobile Crisis Service 814-724-2732 / 1-800-315-5721
Alcoholics Anonymous (Erie): 814-452-2675
Al-Anon / Al-Ateen: 1-757-563-1600
Narcotics Anonymous 1-818-773-9999 (Meadville): 814-337-4529
Women’s Care Center of Erie County (crisis pregnancies): 1-877-908-2341
Women’s Services, Inc. (Meadville – Domestic abuse) 1-814-724-4637 / 1-881-0189
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
Childhelp (National Child Abuse Hotline) – 1-800-422-4452
National Runaway Safeline: 1-800-786-2929
Missing & Exploited Children: 1-800-843-5678
The Caring Place (help for grieving children) 1-866-212-4673
Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4573
Self Injury Hotline: 1-800-366-8288
Eating Disorders: 1-630-577-1330
Overeaters Anonymous: 1-505-891-2664
Sexual & Pornography Addiction
Focus on the Family (one-time complimentary consultation from a Christian perspective) 1-800-232-6459
His High Places (residential Christian crisis and crossroads counseling)
National Council on Seniors Drug & Alcohol Rehab: 1-877-888-0552
The Recovery Village (Treatment programs for drug and alcohol addiction) 877-753-8739
Intimate Partner Violence and Abusive Relationships
Erie City Mission Programs (Local options)
Addiction Resources: The best detox, alcohol and drug rehab centers in Pennsylvania
Securing Housing After Domestic Violence:
https://www.bankrate.com/insurance/homeowners-insurance/regain-independence-after-domestic-violence/
Resource Guide for Male Survivors of Abuse, Sexual Assault, and Trauma: https://www.innerbody.com/resource-guide-for-male-survivors-of-abuse-sexual-assault-and-trauma
It is important to know that hard times, if not crisis, are a normal part of life. Jesus tells us this in Scripture. “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33). We can expect that the road of life will have bumps and potholes…sometimes even a crater that is difficult to overcome without the help of others. It is at that time we can be “God with skin on” to one another.
Emotional crisis can take many forms. The sudden accidental death of a family member. The news that a teenaged child is unexpectedly pregnant out of marriage. The news that one’s spouse has been unfaithful. Someone in the family has taken their own life. These are a few of the possibilities.
And yet while the variety of crises are large, the response of you and your group can be generalized to a number of basic steps that can apply in many circumstances.
NOTE: A very good resource about how groups can minister to a member in crisis is Extended Tip #3 on the ReGroup DVD disk #2. This 22 minute video does a great job of explaining…and demonstrating…how a group is able to support those who are undergoing situations such as those described in this article. The DVD is available for you to borrow by contacting the Life Group ministry at [email protected].
Here is an outline of a process by which you and your group can provide practical help in times such as these.
Prayer. As with any crisis, the first and best thing you can do is to intercede with God for the person in trouble. Take a moment when you first learn the news to step back, find a quiet place, and ask God’s help for your friend in their time of great need. Pray also for yourself! Don’t neglect to ask God to give you wisdom and discernment as to how best to be involved with the person in crisis.
Depending on how you learn of the crisis (self-disclosure vs. grapevine), you will either already be talking to the individual, or will need to contact them. In either event, when you are speaking to the person in crisis, allow them to just tell their story of what has happened. Don’t feel the need to ask probing questions, but rather allow them to unwrap the story at their own pace. (To inquire about details may put them on the defensive and increase rather than alleviate the anxiety they are feeling.) Remember that this is their experience and they need to control what is revealed, when it is revealed, and to whom it is revealed. Some crises may raise feelings of shame and the person may need additional time before they are ready to talk about it.
The main thing at this early stage is the ministry of presence. Just being there. Allowing them to open up to you, a safe person. To rage. To cry. To do whatever is needed at that point in time. Realize that you are on sacred ground at that point…this is a person at their most vulnerable time in life. Treat it with the highest degree of importance and discretion. You may be God’s agent at that point in time, so listen carefully for how the Holy Spirit will guide you. Don’t feel the need to “fix things” or give platitudes (“everything’s going to be alright”) or Bible verses (“all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose”). This article gives some thoughts on what else not to say. Your role at this point is just to listen, to pray (with them, if they would like you to), and to begin to assess for yourself what the next steps might be that would help them out.
If the person is in a desperate frame of mind and you are alarmed that they may hurt themselves, you need to know that it is important to refer them to an expert that can do professional crisis counseling. Your role at this point is to help them get connected to someone else who has skills that you may not possess. Referring someone does not mean you have failed in your role…it may be the wisest thing you can do at that point in time. Click here for some resources that you may want to keep easily available for making referrals.
Your small group coach is also a person to whom you can go to seek help for your group member. While your coach is not a crisis counselor to refer your member to and is not a replacement for the counselor, he or she may be able to work with you to come up with ideas that would address specific needs that the situation is presenting.
As the immediate crisis moves on and the member has begun to get a handle on their emotions, you need to know that you are proceeding from the initial intensive phase of this situation to a phase that may be protracted over a long period of time. Caregiving throughout the extended season of crisis will be important and will vary depending on the specific nature of the situation. During this time your group as a whole will be able to minister to the individual. The first thing you want to be aware of is the possibility that the person may want to withdraw from community. Be a gentle encourager for that not to happen. As the leader of your group, you will want to be sure that your group is “safe space” for the person to come and share as they desire to do so. Making the group safe will entail reviewing aspects of your group covenant such as confidentiality. Do this verbally in your group meeting so that there are no misunderstandings, and so that the person in crisis is reassured. As before, allow them to reveal as much of their story as they are comfortable with, and keep your group members from trying to fix things, belittle their struggle, or paper it over with triteness.
You want to allow time for personal ministry to the person during group time, without letting their situation totally dominate the group over weeks or months. This may take some godly discernment as to how much group time is appropriate to give the person for their crisis. Initially, their situation might take up the whole group session. As things progress, you will want to allow some group time for them but also maintain the focus of your time together on the other important aspects of group life. If you are not careful, the primary focus of your group’s time can default each week to the one individual’s situation, which will debilitate the health of your group. Balance is the key. Remember to consult with your coach if you have concerns about how best to negotiate this situation in your group.
McLane Church has stories of how groups have “been there” for their members during times of crisis and have experienced true life transformation. God has been at work in the person who underwent the crisis as well as in the lives of each group member who supported them. When your group has successfully navigated these waters under the leadership and guidance of the Holy Spirit, you will have a heightened appreciation for the power of God within the ministry of small groups to help people through the storms of life. Thank you for your part in helping this miracle of healing to take place within your own small group!
You learn that one of your group has just been rushed to the hospital for emergency care.
What do you do?
A member of your group shares with you that her grown son was killed in a car accident.
What do you do?
Someone in your group shares that they are having some real financial problems and may lose their car because they can’t keep up the payments.
What do you do?
These are all real-life scenarios that happen in the context of group life. And it is one of the wonderful places where God is able to work through your group and the church to extend His love to those who are in a time of need.
These are examples of crisis. Physical, emotional, financial. All of them are traumatic, and all of them call out for the ministry of compassion & helps in different ways.
Physical crisis. In the example above, one of your members has been taken to the hospital, and may be admitted for an extended time of treatment. The first thing to do is take a moment to pray for him/her as best you can with the information that you have. Don’t wait to get all the details, God knows them already anyway. Include in that prayer that God would give you and others a mindset that would prevent gossip to work it’s way into the mix in regard to the situation. Then, if you don’t know many of the details, you may want to call someone in his/her family to see if you can learn more information about their condition and what the expectation is for their treatment. Remember that it’s okay if the family is being conservative with details (as should we be when relating the news to others). Next, notify the others in your group about the situation, soliciting their prayers and sharing what you know. You may begin to discuss any needs that the hospitalization may create for the person’s family and how you might help out, such as designing a meal rotation to bring food to the family, snowblow the driveway, etc.
Another aspect of care for your hospitalized member is visiting them while they are away from home. In addition to just dropping in to say hello, you can discuss with them how your group might help out, as well as to pray for them before you leave. These visits should not be long, as the person may need rest and your presence could be very taxing for them. But this visit is an important way to show your concern in a practical and spiritual way. If you are not comfortable making a hospital call and praying for the person, please call the church office and explain that you would like one of the pastoral staff to make a call on the person.
Remember that we all need to use wisdom and discretion in crisis, withholding from sensationalism or imagination. This is one of the biggest challenges in crisis or hospitalizations.
These are just a few tips to help your group get the ball rolling. Be sure to seek God’s wisdom and understanding for a better idea of specific ways you can “be there” at your friend’s time of need.